tackling the big issues
using my platform for good <3
Hi!
Thanks for opening this email / reading this post.
Something a little different today! There is an issue that I’ve noticed in the past couple of days that really bums me out. I’ve outlined my proposal below for how to make effective change. Please read with an open mind.
“A Proposal for Ending Racism in Boston Using Identity Politics: How Pahking Ya Cah in the Black Yahd Will Free Boston From Its Problematic Past”
By Liz Itkowsky
It has come to my attention that Boston has a racism problem. Bill Russell had a famously hard time living here. Kyrie Irving was booed at games. Mark Wahlberg blinded a Vietnamese man. And the violent segregation of bussing is one of the most shameful marks in recent US history.
But how can this be? Boston is educated, wealthy and liberal! After abolishing slavery in 1783, we were one of the first places in the nation to implement segregation, which exists to this very day. Bostonians are always on the cutting edge! You know, the kind of people who eschew elitism and capitalist metrics for success. They would never elect several Republican Governors to help keep taxes low, or Democrats who literally fuck with cops. That would be crazy. I mean, the mayor is a girl AND Asian.
But according to many people of color and 76ers fans, Boston is still very racist. This is where the Liz Itkowsky Center Against A Racist Boston comes in. My credentials? Well, I voted for Obama twice and have a handful of Black friends, which makes me the perfect person to tackle this issue. I identify as an anti-racist. I leave my car unlocked when I drive through certain neighborhoods. I tip my housekeepers very well. But Liz, aren’t you white? Sure am! But as a good ally it’s my duty to jump in, take control, and lead us to a solution that doesn’t make me uncomfortable.
Our first line of attack is denying the existence of any people of color. If no one here has a race, it will be impossible to act racist. Fortunately, there are already thousands of people every day claiming, “everyone in Boston is White.” While incredibly simple to disprove, it has been shown that when Twitch streamers say something more than five times it is codified into law. But Liz, you might ask, what about the enormous Cape Verdean population? Or the “Little Saigon” enclave of Dorchester? Great questions, but to most Boston experts, those places aren’t even a part of Boston! Try to think of the city as only the Back Bay and Beacon HIll. Doesn’t that feel better already?
I recognize this denial of human existence is a big swing. So what happens if it doesn’t work? What if the James Beard Foundation finds a Black-owned restaurant to promote? What if people watch American Fiction on an airplane? What if schools taught kids about Malcolm X? In this case, we would rely heavily on the “white savior complex.” This is a method where people who look like me feel intense shame on behalf of those who aren’t white and rich, and then use this misplaced pity to help make sure everyone is exactly like us, so we don’t feel as weird and sad. Examples would be helping Black people have access to matcha lattes in their neighborhood. Or building more golf courses you can reach via public transit. What if our city’s children of color, often suffering from underfunded schools and lack of consistent healthcare, tried intermittent fasting, cold plunges, or manifesting a better life?
Originally, I had planned to kick things off with a panel of Black people who live in Boston today. However, I don’t know any, so I’ve invited a girl who lives in LA, but went to BU with me 20 years ago and a friend from Egypt who lives in Winchester. The Egyptian friend (that’s Black, right?) said a homeless man spit on her while riding the MBTA, a problem that can be solved by the privatization of public transit. The friend from LA was wearing a Cartier watch, so I honestly think our work here is close to being done. But she did mention an incident where she was accused of shoplifting at the Zara on Newbury Street, a favorite pastime of white women everywhere! I had to explain to her that this is technically progress.
At this point you might be thinking, “Liz, this is crazy and actually more racist than doing nothing at all.” And you would be so wrong. One of my core beliefs is that Americans need to be recognized by a singular identity, just not one that has to do with wealth and access to basic human needs. If poor people think they’re poor… well, that would be depressing and bad for the economy! Anyway, White supremacy has nothing to do with capitalism - just look at Oprah, Beyoncé and our Democratic presidential nominee.
If you were stupid, you might say, “hey, it actually looks like Boston has a way bigger problem with poor people.” If that’s true, why did we shut down our biggest shelter years ago and leave it empty? Why are the public transit routes in less affluent areas 10x more unreliable? Why have most clinics and pharmacies in Roxbury shut down with zero repercussions, causing a healthcare desert in one of the most densely populated spots in the entire state? Why is every low income housing development fought against by the community like it’s a rabid bat sanctuary? Why do we have one of the most corrupt police forces in the country? All of these problems can be corrected with anti-racism. First, we’ll hire lots of Black cops. The bigger and scarier, the better. Representation is so important! Then we’ll open a Whole Foods and SoulCycle in Roxbury, to help introduce the ‘hood to a healthy lifestyle, so they won’t need clinics or medicine. And the former Long Island homeless shelter? You’re looking at the newest Amazon Fulfillment Center, which will create many fulfilling careers for our communities of color, so they too can chase the American dream.
Take it from me - it’s nice to look at a bad situation and know I have absolutely nothing to do with it. But my big heart, and even bigger brain, I can’t stay away. The feeling of fixing a problem no one wanted your help with is addicting! It’s also an incentive for all the people of no color to band together against racism. But sometimes a smug sense of satisfaction isn’t enough. So for additional compensation, White people who participate in this anti-racist campaign will be allowed one opportunity to say the N-word while singing along with a rap song, annually. Boston is home to some of the greatest minds in our country, and when tasked with ending racism, you know these brainiacs will pull out a calculated amount of stops. That reason, amongst many others, is why (with my help) Boston’s people of color can all feel a little less colorful, and we can collectively move on from the racist Boston stereotype of the past.
xx
a special thank you to Sheri Bradford for editing this piece / going to college in Boston, you are a brilliant writer and one of God’s strongest soldiers